Triangle pies

For centuries, famished Brits have tucked into pies eager to suppress their hunger and enjoy a rich mix of fillings to satisfy their taste buds — and for an eternity these savoury wonders have been round. Until now!

That’s because bosses at award-winning Turner’s Pies have DITCHED circular pies in favour of a new-shaped creation that they hope will take them to the next level among leading UK pie-makers.
Researchers created the PIE (Pleasure in Eating) Index — a series of equilateral equations — and have used the ground-breaking guide to toil endlessly to try to fathom the best shape for a pie. The unavoidable though astonishing answer: triangular!

Now, in an industry-revolutionising move, ALL pies produced by the West Sussex bakers will be of the triangle form.
Managing Director Phil Turner says he was stunned when his team brought him the news that the Pie Index had indicated unequivocally that his baked classics should desist from being circular.

And that, in fact, a trilateral approach was the way ahead. Fighting back tears of joy, a clearly emotional Phil said: “It’s time to forget all about the triangle-based mathematical theorem made famous by Pythagoras. This is now all about PIE-thagoras. Turner’s Pies have been delivering top class pies to the grateful members of the general public since the 1930s and every single pie made has been round.

“But that has changed and to herald in a new dawn for the shape of pies is simply unbelievable, quite fantastic. From here on in all of our pies will be triangular — and we fully expect our competitors to mimic our move.”
Customers have already shown great delight in consuming the new triangle pies. In secret taste tests carried out with regulars at Turner’s Pies stores in Bognor, Chichester, Broadwater and Rustington, the new pies got a massive thumbs up.

Excited Ella Vapye said: “Our family have enjoyed Turner’s Pies for many years and took it for granted that they were circular in shape. But, actually, they are much better as triangles. They are somehow tastier the whole eating experience is better and previously we could never imagine that these prize pies could get any better. It’s like a breakthrough we have been waiting for — and one which we are delight by!”

To get more info and to order your tri-pies, head to https://www.turnerspies.co.uk/april-fools/

Author: Carl Eldridge.